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I feel like this should be my anthem... [Feb. 21st, 2008|07:11 pm]
[Current Location |home aka dad's house]
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[Current Music |Oasis-Stop Cryin' Your Heart Out]

"One & Only"
(feat. Fall Out Boy)

[Verse 1 - Timbaland]
I get over heels for someone (I)
That I really can't deal with (deal with)
I want to block her out my mind
But I really can't do it
I tell myself this the last time
I'ma let her do this to me
Whenever we do spend time
I realize that I can't get enough of you

[Bridge - Patrick Stump (Timbaland)]
Wipe that smile off your fucking face (Let me say to you)
Wipe that smile off your face (Let me say to you)
Wipe that smile off your fucking face (Let me say to you)
Wipe that smile off your face (Let me say to you)

[Chorus (Patrick Stump):]
To be despised
To be loved
To be dreamt of
To be sought
I'm the inside of "I don't care"
Right in the middle
I'm right in the middle
To be despised
To be loved
To be dreamt of
To be sought
I'm the inside of "I don't care"
Be my unholy
My one and my lonely

[Verse 2 - Patrick Stump]
I wear scarves and hoods
'Cause it's the only poker face that I've got left
And everything I love about you is a mess
Smash the mirror and break the palm reader's hand
I want to be better than I am

[Bridge - Patrick Stump (Timbaland)]
(Let me say to you)
Wipe that smile off your fucking face (Let me say to you)
Wipe that smile off your face (Let me say to you)
Wipe that smile off your fucking face (Let me say to you)
Wipe that smile off your face (Let me say to you)

[Chorus (Patrick Stump)]

[Verse 3 - Timbaland]
Girl, just look what you've done
How could you do this to me?
I gotta put my foot down
I can't let you do this to me
I can't forget those good ole times
And all the things you've been doing to me
I wanna hit that one more time
I mean love, what your doing to me
I'ma say it loud, right here
Let's fuck in this crowd
Why we arguing
I thought me and you were supposed to be
Let's chill for minute
Better yet we could heal for a minute (for a minute)
Baby, put down the knife
Sometime I wanna save ya life
Why don't you

[Chorus (Patrick Stump)]
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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2008|04:55 pm]
[Current Location |home aka dad's house]
[Current Mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[Current Music |Fall Out Boy-A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me]

So nothing really new to report.

The other night when Andy came over...that was awkward. First thing he did..was hug me...like for a minute straight w/o letting go. He acted as if nothing had even happened. I didnt know what to say, or how to act, or what to do with myself the whole night. Twas a little fun though. We were all completely gone. lol

Bri finally got what she's been wanting for a long time. A boy named Spears. Im so happy for her. I just wish it would happen for me too. I hate that all my feelings right now are tainted with the thought of him. I guess it'll pass eventually.

I got to talk to Cora today. I havent talked to her since like freshman year of high school. It was nice. We caught up a bit. Im glad she IMed me.

I do however feel a little accomplished. Im still doing laundry...but I filed all my bills away, cleaned up the house for Debbie...and did the dishes. Thats the most I've done in a long while. Kept me busy for a bit.

Uhm...i guess there really isnt anything else.
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.... [Feb. 9th, 2008|08:18 pm]
[Current Location |home aka dad's house]
[Current Mood |crushedcrushed]
[Current Music |Serj Tankian-Feed Us]

SOOOOOOOO...Life is totally the suck.

I saw Andy today...it made my heart hurt. He smiled at me...I hate his smile...it makes me incapable of being mad at him in any way, shape, or form. Stupid boy. We are supposed to be hanging out tonight. I think its only b/c Bri is going to be with me. But stupid vagina me will take what I can get. I miss him. His voice. His stupid glasses, his stupid smile, the way he stupid smells, his stupid sense of humor. Everything. I want nothing more than to be with him, even though Im supposedly too good for him. So everyone says. He's such a fucking dick, but I care anyways. I hate my vagina. It makes me weak.

Other than that, its still been a pretty sucky day. Bri is on the phone with her dad..hes making her cry. Bunghole. Her g-ma's funeral was yesterday, she didnt even know about it...and he called her and was like "Why werent you at your g-ma's funeral yesterday"
So yea...thats how she found out. And now hes being a bag of douche. (its not her real g-ma but they were close enough she might as well have been)

Lots of other stuff in the Bri department...but no need to go into it.

I hate that I can't listen to certain music anymore without thinking of him...and that one night...and then getting all depressed. I text him after i saw him and told him that he looked good today..and that i missed him. he replied "me 2" does he really miss me? or just the totally awesome sex we had? i think its probably just the sex. and bri. he knows bri will be with me tonight. I totally feel like im 13-14 again. Back in 8th grade. Wow. Best year ever. NOT!

I talked to my mom today. she was telling me how perfect Colby was for me and how she didnt get why I chose Zach over him. I was wondering that same thing the other day. But Colby has moved on...I guess I have too. I miss him dearly though. Mom said he wouldve treated me like royalty...that even she could tell he loved me. I cant believe I fucked that up and went back to a controlling asshole. Oh well..Everything happens for a reason right? Lets hope so. she even brought up Mike Coleman (loooong story). Wow. Memories. Too bad he's gay.

Everyone around me is hurting...save very few people. I wish I could just take all their pain away. I wish I was the only one that had to deal with all this pain. I love my friends so much...I hate to see them feeling the way I do...or worse yet.

OMG. Okay so Bri just ran out of my house crying. So thats ending this post. I'll write more later. sorry for being emo.
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As said by Brett Michaels... [Feb. 5th, 2008|01:18 am]
[Current Location |home aka dad's house]
[Current Mood |crankycranky]
[Current Music |nothing...trying to stay quiet...parental units are asleep]

"Take your time personal porno booth."
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Im in such a good mood right now!!!!! [Jan. 29th, 2008|09:54 pm]
[Current Location |home aka dad's house]
[Current Mood |crazycrazy]
[Current Music |KT on the phone!]

So, Brianna talked to Andy for me. Apparently, he REALLY likes me, but hes scared for a relationship right now. Like OMG. Im so like excited right now. OMG. so here i go. i wait and be patient. Im totally mad crazy head over heels in love with him right now.

I want him. Here. Now. Holding me. for real real, not for play play.
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wow. so im like back. [Jan. 27th, 2008|08:26 pm]
[Current Location |home aka dad's house]
[Current Mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[Current Music |Flogging Molly!!!!]

I totally forgot I even had this thing. WOW.

Lots going on...for those of you who would actually care, you probably already know about it.

Me and Zach are over. I talked to him last night. Ive been moved out for months now, but I finally told him we need to separate our bank accounts and get the car in my name. It was so difficult to do, but he made it a little easier by being a huge bag of douche to me. Its so weird though. Six years...down the drain. But I just dont love him anymore. At least, not in the way I SHOULD love him if we were going to stay in a relationship.

I've met somebody in the recent months too. I have no clue how he REALLY feels about me, but I'm completely head over heels for him already, and its only been like 3 weeks. I cant believe it. He keeps sending so many mixed signals I cant even think straight. Im terrified that when he does figure everything out...hes going to tell me we cant be anything more than friends. I know i shouldnt rush right back into a relationship, but i feel so strongly for him. Its crazy. BTW, his name is Andy. Just in case i refrence him later.

I miss my friends. My true friends. I left them all back in FL. =( Katie and I talk most every day still, and we are closer than ever. Chris is still like my little bro. Me and Mandy started talking more recently and Im really happy about that. I missed her so much. We used to talk like every friggin day. shes amazing. Mario and I still talk, not as much as we should, but we try. And thats what counts.

Uhm...Im quite uncomfortable right now. this is probably tmi..but its my damn journal so yea lol I have a UTI. I want it gone. Its the most painful, most uncomfortable thing ever. Its been about a week now, and its still carrying on. The doctors cant see me until Tuesday. I think Im going to be insane by then. Im scared of the meds they put you on for this though too. Most women get yeast infections from it b/c it kills all that good bacteria down there. thats the last thing i want. for realz.

I need to go to the vagina doctor too. I have no insurance though. Im going to go through the NC health dept though. they base everything off income. I should really probably get back on the pill (damn andy). We'll see if i can afford it.

back to boy problems. wow. i sound like a whiney bitch. but yea...any of you just been friends with benefits? if so, how do you do it? how do you keep your feelings out of something like that? arg.

I think i should just shut my mouth for now. there is so much more on my mind, but i dont know how to express it. not at all. I guess I'll write more later on.
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"Accidents and Alibis" [Sep. 4th, 2006|04:51 pm]
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |Jonas Sees in Color-Accidents and Alibis]

Meet me at a quarter 'till midnight
When the curtains go down, lights go out
Surprise, Surprise.
Meet me where the key intersects the lock
We've got skeletons in our closets
Hidden bones that know who we are.
We're not liars [meet me at a quarter till midnight]
We just love to live the actors life [when the curtains go down, lights go out]
Surprise, Surprise.

Tear down your banners,
Blow out your candles,
You have nothing to hide behind.
You've got your accidents, I've got my alibis.
Surprise, Surprise.

Darling, keep yours eyes
off the side of the road
I know
its hard
to keep your face pointed the right way
Here we go again in the wrong direction.

I am the accident
that captures your imagination
I can hold your attention car wreck
I know you love
to see me like that
stretched out (stretched out)
on a double yellow line [with a siren for a soundtrack]
with a siren
for a soundtrack [with a siren for a soundtrack]
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Today's not that day,
and thats not who I am.
I'm not going down without a fight. {x2}

I know you saw me in the paper today.
I bet you cried when you realized,
That it wasnt,
an obituary.
I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
I aim to disappoint.

And Im not going down without a fight [I am the accident that captures your imagination]

And Im not going down without a fight [I can hold your attention like a car wreck]

And I...motherfucker!

Today's not the day,
and thats not who I am.
I'm not going down without a fight. {x2}

P.S. the "And I...motherfucker!" part...the dots are because there are like 2 or 3 words there that I can't figure out....GRRR.
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SOOOOO..... [Jun. 11th, 2006|04:14 am]
[Current Mood |hungryhungry]
[Current Music |Funeral for a Friend-All the Rage]

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WOW. Hey that works in two ways!!!! [Jun. 10th, 2006|06:53 pm]
[Current Mood |blankblank]
[Current Music |Against Me!-Pints of Guinness Make You Strong]

I saw this a while back, and I stumbled across it once again. It made me lol all over again, so I thought this time I should share this tidbit.

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UH....yea. My pictures suck. [May. 11th, 2006|07:29 pm]
[Current Mood |crappycrappy]
[Current Music |Panic at the Disco-I Constantly Thank God for Esteban]

Stolen from Bri.
Thought this was Neat...Collapse )
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